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this here is an excerpt from our 2001 summer tour. i started transcribing all my fucked up notes and then right when it got to the part where we played in the south my back started hurting. i tried to resume writing the next day and i couldnt think of anything then i started thinking about my back, more specifically when i was really into roller skating and i couldnt do it for about 6 months cos of a bad back. i tried everything: chiropractor, swimming,sit ups, and acuepressure. swimming worked the best. thanx lots,todd

july 21st i remember thinking once i was on the 110 north then it's on! we got a van,drummer and about 435 sigh's of relief that we didnt hafta cancel the whole tour. it's bad enough to hafta call everyone who was good enough to throw a show with us with the dreaded words "dude,guess what?",but its even worse to have the "were going on tour!" feeling for 2-3 months and instantly have it revoked. so there we were on the 110 north ,giggling like school girls, curling up in balls trying to fart, & giving half-cocked punces in the back of each others necks with a 1556 mile trek all the way to texarkana. most bands would would whine to their girlfriends on payphones outside of taco bells if they had to do drives like this. were lucky enough to have been doing this for 10 years and still crack up over 1556 miles of smelly ass in a crammed van. texarkana is like any other bible belt town on sundays-totally abandoned. the only thing thats different is that it's saturday. after we get soda pops out of a vending machine and play craps with a tumbleweed,ben shows up as he is the one doing the show. he feels let down by his town for people not coming to shows unless theres a christian death metal band playing. i'm not talking about bands that sound like christian death,im talkin' bands that are comprised of christian's who play death metal,just so theres no confusion. after seeing some "drummer wanted" signs i believed him. seeing as the qualifications were "must love black sabbath,pantera, limp bisquit & and jesus". and i thought straight edgers were picky about the people they let be in their band. within 13 years it went from "must wear air jordans" to "must frequent church on sunday's".

july22nd nothing complements being in a van all night like krispy kreme. we spent hours there. it was prolly the window that displayed the donut making process. we outlasted 6 year olds with our noses up against the window yelling "no way!" everytime a donut got stuck in the wheel. we kept trying to get ahold of jessi,our designated promoter,but had no luck so we decided to find a pond, river or someones pool to clean & shave in. we ended up at the filthiest pond ever. i am the only one bold(stupid) enough to get a shave in it,i also thought going barefoot was clever til i burnt my right foot. the result of our adventure was 4 dirty unshaved guys and 1 clean shaved guy with a hobbled and burnt right foot and some mossy substance only scientists dare to know all over. i didnt mind too much. it was a bittersweet pain. i knew if i was home just having 1 of the 2 misfortunes struck upon me would drive me completely nuts!

july 23rd new orleans.hmmm. i remember when i had cable i watched the blues traveler behind the music and the guy who slimmed up quite a bit was achin' about how their bassist moved to new orleans. said bassist being an alcholic and all,the singer commented with " him moving to new orleans is like me moving into mcdonalds".something to think about. new orleans for us was posing for picture and playing pool with broadway joe,troy dancing like bette midler on a pool table as a knee jerk reaction to cole grabbing by the waist and setting him up there,even more waist grabbing via me and jack doing our "ozzy/randy rhodes cover pose" thru the door,even more waist grabbing when we thought it would be a great idea to obnoxiuosly re-enter the bar "ozzy/randy rhodes cover pose" style,getting no reaction from the locals whatsoever & free food handed by the pallbearers and james ginger. this was our first taste of troy's little habit of telling us how much he likes a certain food (example: "i love eggplant!,i'll have that") yet when it comes time to leave theres only one bite out of his meal with an excuse of " i hate eggplant" we also went to the target tour that heather was working at,which also meant free drinks all day long! Summ 41 still sounded as weak as a diet softdrink no matter how stiff heather served em. however i dug rancid. its almost seemed like they had even more sloppy energy,without being really sloppy, then when i first saw them as a 3 peice. say what you want about em they get my vote always. but my overall winner was the yoo hoo fuckers. we managed to run into em on the road and they snuck a case of yoo hoo in our van that we used as hand grenades. i had daydreams of bombing them with their own weapons and thought about similair foreign affairs. in light of everything thats going on now i must get like major wierdo points. also,i had a very terrible nightmare about something bad happening about 2 hours before the attack on ny and dc but that has nothing to do with yoo hoo.

july 25th with a pungent taste of road wear we ended up at a gas mart in atlanta at 6am with nothing to do except look for something to eat. a kind man offers a freshly rolled blunt to the band. there wasnt too many words exchanged not unlike how i invision a peace treaty between trailer park neighbors in oregon. like,of course you will come over and of course you will smoke this and of course your sorry for mowing my grandeur's over without saying one word. later on that day kool kieth did a rain dance and it rained.

 

 

2000 summer tour notes

8/28 mesa,az late for the first out of state show.indeed? i gotta empty my bum and the boys room is wall to wall stank,so i use the girls. there are no locks which i found to be just plain wierd.all girls bathrooms have all the trimmings,i.e. locks in seperate stalls,shit paper,soap,and a hammock for chill time. i'm a boy so i cant get picky at this moment,so i just hold the stall door stiff. this wouldve been just fine and dandy if 3 drunk girls didnt walk in looking for ass paper and my humble stall was the only supplyer.they pulled,i pulled back.they pulled harder,i pulled back harder. one of em yelled "it smells like shit in here!" i yelled "no it doesnt?!" in my best uma thurman voice. i didnt finish my business. the show was fun!

8/29 road we stay at the bow & arrow lodge in albq. "it says $19 on the sign" we told the slumbering buffoon. "thats if you stay a week" the crotchless mustard ass replyed. "all we got is $30,can ya be a pal?" "ok." we saved berzerk and toys $3 collectively. chad and sean stayed in the vans and missed gristle on the floor,something strongly resembling blood on the curtains, a fake porno photo session with hal & tyler, and sheets with baby sauce stains and the metal sprinklings that you use to compliment crack cocaine. damage!

8/30 amarillo there is no show?! oh there is? oh theres not?! really? oh there is.

8/31 oki city we stay with chad who lives in the middle of nowhere so of course we ring the bell at the wrong house at 4 am. so this big dude with a beard down to his knees comes running out naked with a shotgun and a big dog! the dog goes directly for tyler and bites his pinky and index fingers on his left hand off. we are all shattered! what will he do? he is an accomplished,much sought after guitarist.

9/1 kansas city berzerk get their first ever " punk rock badge of heroism" as their truck kept fucking up and show up right in time to play. the attendence for this auspicious ceremony was lackluster at best but that never stopped a backed up horse to crap all over a small child if the child was in the way did it?

9/2 dubuque,ia the show rocked balls.

9/3 la crosse,wi after the show joanne was introduced to "the recruiter". a bald man. a bald man not looking to win the nobel prize,but tis a bald man seeking a small army to rent a house & study the bold aspects of american heritage, while drinking cases of busch light and chanting "speak english or die" to the house mutt.

9/4 chicago,il whats three hundred and ninety seven minus four hundred? tonights attendance ba duh kuus!

9/5 mpls drink with d4 for a long time,there was a show too?

9/6 aberdeen,sd @ cobains arcade i make a joke on the mic which,although i forgot,was very funny in my mind about this being aberdeen and cobains arcade and all. i got the good ol' "look at the person on both sides of you and say what the fuck is this dummass talking about while shrugging shoulders" response. i liked the locals more than myself so ,yes I AM NOT FUNNY /I BELONG IN A ZOO CAGE/ I EAT FECES/NOT JUST MY OWN

9/7 road

9/8 36 363636363636363636363636363636363636363636363636363636 363636363636363636363636363636363636363636363636363636 363636363636363636363636363636363636363636363636363636 363636363636363636363636363636363636363636363636363636 363636363636363636363636363636363636363636363636363636 3636363636363636363636!

9/11 las vegas we show up to the show with someone blasting "some girls" by the stones,right next to the devils whorehouse. all good button is pressed. last show.

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